Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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