FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
