Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
