It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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