just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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