I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't turn off my feet"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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