please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
