the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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