we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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