they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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