people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
