Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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