Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
