The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
