escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
