I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
