Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
