So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
