the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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