I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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