Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
