I want to have your abortion
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
