we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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