Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
