how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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