its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
