You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
