it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
