I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
