Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You left your phone here
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