Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
