I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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