I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
