thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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