Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Boobs speak an international language.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
