it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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