can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
