I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I supernannyed him into submission
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
