I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So squirting runs in the family.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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