I bet he comes in French.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
