now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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