Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
