I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
