Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
