LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
3pm strippers are depressing
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
