my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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