yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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