I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
