Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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