haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
